Thanksgiving Thoughts

                                      Today, as I was baking Pumpkin Pies , I found myself thinking back to Thanksgiving in my childhood home. I was wracking my brain to remember the smells, and the sounds of my mother preparing the most important meal of the year. I vaguely remember it, but it is a very distant memory. That is probably because I never helped , or even feigned interest in what she was doing in the kitchen. I never imagined myself ever having to know how to do all that stuff. Now, many years later, I wish I had helped even though my help would not have been up to par in her kitchen. I mean , this was the same woman who re -made my bed , or re -dusted my room to meet her standards.  Those actions, though I am sure very benign, are what created the voice in my head " It'll never be good enough" that took years to silence. Who am I kidding, they still whisper to me every so often. I know now that my time spent in that kitchen would have been well spent because I would've learned and watched and spent quality time with my mother.  So what if I would've mashed the potatoes wrong, at least I would've been there with her.  Undercooked yams? Well, in the big scheme of things it would not have mattered , and I would have had the memory of time spent together.  No one thinks they will run out of Thanksgivings, but inevitably we all do.
                                  Today , my almost 16 year old daughter stood at the kitchen island and watched me make my pies. She's not very interested in cooking, and even less interested in cleaning up. She did , however, talk to me while I mixed ingredients and laughed at me while I struggled with the ancient can opener  that I have. She lazily ran a spoon around a bowl, melding the sugar /cinnamon mixture while talking about her upcoming birthday plans.  I did not care that she did not actually help me bake the pies, or clean the many bowls involved in this endeavor. I cared that she stood there and talked to me. Maybe my mother would've liked that too. Maybe I should've realized I didn't have to be actually useful in the kitchen to make her time in there easier. Just another way , whether she knows it or not, that my daughter is a better daughter than I was.  So, tomorrow while we gather with our family and friends to eat and spend time together , let's try to remember its not about the perfection of the meal and its flawless preparation. It is about being there, creating memories to look back on fondly before we, too , run out of Thanksgivings.