Some people would say I had a two year reprieve . They would be right, and it would be an understatement. I did get a two year "furlough" so to speak, from my eldest child leaving home to go to school. Believe me, back in 2015 I thought he would go. He had many college choices and , among those , some were pretty far away from home. But when it came time to decide, he chose one right here at home. Actually, he chose 2 schools in the last 3 years that both were local choices and the economical decision was to go to school and live at home.  All the while still allowing me to see him everyday. To hear him shuffle (already STOMP) through the house, foraging for food in my (always picked over )pantry and to hear him play his music, which was slowly becoming his passion.  He transformed his 12x12 bedroom into an electronic studio , teaching himself how to do a lot of the sound and audio "things" he wanted to learn.  So, when one day last Spring he decided to start looking into audio/sound engineering schools, I was not surprised. He took the initiative for this search, unlike his college search, applications and essays which I had to force upon him back in high school. He toured schools , in Florida and Georgia , and ultimately made the decision himself. He figured out where and how much he was willing to spend on this degree, and when he decided , it was presented to me. That is not how 17 year old Zach did things wayyyy back when as he prepared for college. Now I know why... he was not ready. He hadn't found his PASSION. He was going through the motions, like a minion , like so many of us , and he was not ready to leave home for a choice he did not feel strongly about. That's how I know he's serious , because he is a homebody and he is truly excited to start this journey now, as a person with a plan and a goal.
                                   So, now the time has come for him to go pursue the choice HE made.  He found an apartment and his beautiful girlfriend of 6 years is going with him, also making her own choices and blazing new pathways in her life. I have had the great pleasure of spending 2 extra years with them both . I will always cherish our family dinners, our walks in the neighborhood, our funny conversations and all the things we did together in the two years where most kids are away at school. I got to know my child as an adult , and I love him for letting me do that. I joke that my grocery bill will go down tremendously, but I know that so will the level of laughs and fun in this house. As I was lying in bed last night I start thinking about how I will have one less kid here, everyday. No waiting to see what he wants for dinner, no asking him to bring me a coffee if "he happens to be out" and no kiss and "I love you 's " when we go to bed at night.  I began to cry , that entire body shaking, uncontrollable cry.  I was crying out of sadness, but not for him . It was sadness for me and how much I had grown to expect that beautiful smile to be here EVERYDAY.
That was selfish of me to think I would always have it in my house , like it belonged to me.  It belongs exactly where it is going, with him on a path he chose and a timeline he made.
                                  So, for all you parents who haven't yet experienced this, or maybe still have an adult child at home trying to find out where they belong in the world, it's ok. Those loud footsteps to your pantry will fall silent soon enough .... focus on that beautiful smile they give you every day while you can.