When your baby is born, screaming it's first screams after barely being out of your body for 30 seconds, you automatically cry. Whether its outward crying, or inward crying your emotions are raw and you have one million feelings about the little being that was just taken from the safety of your womb. I had this happen to me 3 times. I was extremely lucky to feel that 3 times. But 17 years ago to the day, I had my second child and those emotions were magnified tenfold because my doctor spoke the words "It''s a girl".  You see, I had a feeling I was carrying a girl , although never confirmed by any ultrasound or test I had to undergo. I want a girl so bad. I NEEDED a girl , someone who would be sweet and loving and enjoy all the same things I did.  In the first few minutes of her little life, I saw it all flash before mine.  Sparkly dresses, shoes, Barbies, hair and nail appointments together, dating advice, high school dances ,college trips. All of it was flashing before me on November 25, 2000 and I was elated.  Everyone was oohing and aching over her orange hair and super tiny little body , and I just kept thinking "She's mine. I have a DAUGHTER".
                                        I have been very fortunate all these years, she HAS been mine .  First my sweet baby, then my independent elementary schooler , then evolving into my mini me as she became a teenager. She has never disappointed me, and she always makes me proud. But more recently she made me look deeply inward at myself.  I was not the mother I thought I was, I was not living up to who I wanted to be for her. She was exploring religion on her own (I left the catholic church years ago and let the kids decide about their faith for themselves), she was in a evolving mature relationship with a boy and she was balancing work, cheer, and her difficult school load.  She was becoming less and less MINE and more and more HERSELF.  This is what is supposed to happen , children grow and evolve into who they are going to be. She is everything I saw flash before me 17 years ago in the delivery room plus a million more things I could have never predicted.  And I want to be a better person because of her.  I look at her and the way she handles things, both adversity and success, and I am humbled. I did not teach her that, that she learned on her own.
                                           I now know that when I met this little person 17 years ago, in the early morning hours ,still on an adrenaline rush from the delivery she was only meant to be mine for a while. She was put here for great things, and she is now on the cusp of those things. And I am fortunate enough to still be here, watching and learning just who this little feisty girl will become.  It's like watching a Polaroid picture develop when it starts to come into focus, it is still a bit fuzzy on the edges but you just know it is going to be a keeper.  Happy Birthday to my beautiful Sophie , thank you for being mine all those years... keep me around a few more ,will ya?  I love you.