The biggest curse of middle age is not the obvious culprits. The wrinkles, grey hair, and pouchy midsection all suck, that's for sure. Those things are not the worse thing about getting older though, the worse thing goes much deeper than that. The thing that I hate the most about being this age is hindsight. I find myself thinking back on lots of things and realizing how different things could be if only... That line of thinking is destructive, and gets the person nowhere. Yet anyone who has reached this age probably thinks back on things ten times a day. The main reason being : our children. Especially teenage children , who are constantly making decisions and doing things we once did (albeit the 2.0 version). We watch and we know what they SHOULD do, because we did not do what we SHOULD'VE done. We want to spare them the use of the all too often coined phrase "hindsight is 20/20". No one spared us though, they did not even try, or did they?
Let me give you all a good example of this. As a high school senior I earned an academic scholarship to a private school in North Carolina. It was in the town I was living in, therefore I would live at home. I began my Freshman year there , and did okay. It was a lovely campus , the kind I dream of sending my children to (especially tuition free). Well, In the meantime I met a guy ( never mind that he is now my husband of 22 years) and I left my full scholarship to the prestigious private college and transferred to USF to be near him. Goodbye fully paid tuition, hello out of state tuition. I honestly do not know how my parents did not kill me. Or at the very least say No, I couldn't go. They had to be shaking their heads, thinking don't do this. You only get one shot at all of this. Yet they let me go. Now, I am a parent about the same age they were when faced with these" letting me make my own decisions "moments. My son recently made a decision as well. A change of schools, of majors and basically life choices. The older, wiser me with a penchant for dreaming of what could've been , had to let him do it. Is it easy? NO . Do I probably know better what is good for him? YES. But it's ultimately his life. These decisions shape who we are. I have no doubt that his middle age years will lead to a lot of "look backs" and hindsight moments. Everybody's does , I guess. Good things came out of my hasty decision to leave my original college, things like a solid marriage and a fairly blessed life. In fact, if my parents had used their hindsight to try and sway me they would not have had their 3 grandchildren. They must have bit holes in their tongues, like I have. My tongue resembles a piece of swiss cheese since the arrival of the teen years in my house (x3 by the way).
So, when I am asked for advice by my children I will give it . I will tell them my mistakes, regrets and things that I wish I would've done differently. I won't make my life theirs though. They will get the chance to earn the right to say, with wistfulness ,"hindsight is 20/20"... I mean , otherwise all we have to show for middle age is the wrinkles, grey hair and mushy abs.
