A few days ago , Mikey asked me if we could go to the mall. I was very preoccupied with his sister's new found head injury courtesy of cheerleading and his brother's bronchitis that was lingering a little too long. In classic third child fashion he said "never mind, we can go tomorrow." I breathed a sigh of relief, because I literally had no time to squeeze a trip to the mall into my day. Later on , I began to think about how Mikey so easily backed down. Almost like he realized his importance in the big scheme of things, predestined by birth order , and by no fault of his own. I felt very disgusted with myself . Of all my children, Mikey is the sweetest. He , out of everyone else who lives here, deserves to go the mall the most. Now I wanted to know why he wanted to go the mall, why the kid who never asks for anything , felt the need to ask to go the mall.
Turns out he ripped a pair of pants that he had gotten for Christmas, and wanted a new pair. Sounds reasonable, right? Sure, but up until now Mikey would've just WORE the pants and not even cared. This desire for the replacement pants is more than just a need for new clothing , it is a sign. A sign that my baby is becoming a teenager and now cares about his appearance.
This hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. My little boy , the one I can still count on to hug me for no reason, fight about taking a shower , still watch SpongeBob and eat cereal after school was soon going to be one of THEM. And I have enough of THEM around here. I want a little boy. But I know this is not possible, the stopping of time is an impossibility , if it wasn't no one would ever have teenagers in the first place. Mikey is at that" in between " . He wants cool clothes, shoes and hair. He wants to fit in. He's even recently started asking when is he getting braces, because kids are starting to notice his "jacked up teeth". It has been happening for a while now, but I have been turning the other cheek to it. Playing the ostrich mom, if I hide from it maybe it won't happen. However, when I take a look at my son, I see the metamorphosis beginning. Long arms and legs that almost appear awkward right now , a face taking on more bone structure and losing that softness that I love to kiss goodnight. A growth spurt is eminent , and so is the desire for freedom. Freedom from being the "baby" and longing to try new things. This is something I know I cannot stop. With the other two children, I didn't feel so melancholy about it. Zach needed to grow up, so I could handle the other two . Sophie was born 15 , so her becoming a teenager was barely noticeable . Mikey, however, has been my connection to still having a "little one" and that was coming to an end. This clearly is more about me clinging to something , than Mikey becoming a teenager . It is about my journey through motherhood coming to a crossroads. I will have three young adults , who need me less from a physical aspect but more from an emotional one. I will have one more child who is almost a grown up , one more child whose voice will deepen , who will have tormented days as he tries to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. And I will go through it with him, just as I am going through it with his brother and sister. But even though he will be a teenager and start acting like someone I don't recognize , all I will see when I look at him is that blue eyed, good natured baby who never fussed or complained about anything. That's what will get me through Mikey's journey to Michael.
